delusionary (dəˈlo͞oZHənerē) - one having the ability to see and believe alternate versions and personalities of others formed in an ever-evolving environment of the mind, which may or may not be based upon real interactions.
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Born of frustration and confusion, delusionary is an investigation. An intro, a sore yet needful beginning to what will hopefully yield to a promising conclusion. A collection of introspective works presented through mixed media panels. Created by working through the subjective rather than the objective. Unlike my last project in which I utilized a realism style, here I work with less planning and in most all cases find myself coming to dead ends that I am forced to work past rather than simply starting over. The process I committed to here, mimics a romantic relationship in that there is no "starting over". In viewing these panels, you see firsthand my struggles, and to this point failure, to orchestrate a working version romantic love.
coming & going (croquis study), 2019
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mixed media on wood panel
32” x 49”
__________
• latex
• graphite
• pastel
• watercolor
• vine charcoal
• coffee
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Without warning she comes & goes to the forefront of my mind. She’s comfortable. She’s made a home for herself. She’s familiar, but always evolving. In a world I’ve created, I choose who comes but not who goes.
altar to the unknown god, 2019
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mixed media on wood panel
32” x 49”
__________
• latex
• graphite
• pastel
• watercolor
• vine charcoal
• spray paint
• coffee
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I see you so much bigger than you are. You are more grand than yourself in every way in my mind. You are most worthy of my time and respect. You must be the center. I am blind to your insecurities and shortcomings. You are the place I will kneel to pay reverence to my idea of you.
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wor·ship /ˈwərSHəp/ noun - the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity. expression of reverence and adoration for a deity.
train, train, train (croquis study), 2019
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mixed media on wood panel
32” x 49”
__________
• latex
• graphite
• pastel
• watercolor
• vine charcoal
• spray paint
• coffee
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...and the train filled the temple. Unapologetically you left little space otherwise. I was once meant for great things, now there’s only you.
the sharing circle, 2019
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mixed media on wood panel
32” x 49”
__________
• latex
• graphite
• pastel
• watercolor
• vine charcoal
• coffee
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You can light me up with want I want to hear, or lay me to waste with what I fear. You could touch me, or another. To trust you seems like a necessary evil. You could never feel the same as me. You’re just not like me. I can sit with you and we’ll kiss a little longer anyway. The mouth is most evident of the heart. Friend or foe? Joy. Pleasure. Pain. Sorrow. What have you to share with me?
meta, 2019
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mixed media on wood panel
32” x 49”
__________
• latex
• graphite
• pastel
• ball point pen
• watercolor
• vine charcoal
• spray paint
• coffee
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In the beginning, you invite me in. It’s the way you move. When I see it, it slows down and begs for my attention. Soon we share. Things are unsure, but we gladly revel in it. One day this will shift. My invitation has expired. Your once inviting posture now keeps me away, and only brings me pain. How long will we stand it? Now you’re gone, but I’ll remember how you were at the start. It’s a little faded, but I replay it when I want and sometimes when I don’t.
fixture, 2019
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mixed media on wood panel
32” x 49”
__________
• latex
• graphite
• pastel
• ball point pen
• watercolor
• vine charcoal
• india ink
• coffee
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Anchored... in the ceiling of my mind you have fixed yourself. Whether you know it or not it's a victory for you. Do you even realize who you are? I can't imagine you ever not being there. Many things seemingly left up to chance have placed you now in this lofty position. A gift for my ages you'll now be. From time to time I suppose I'll look up to a familiar face. All the while I know you will never fix me. 
nxt time, 2019
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mixed media on wood panel
32” x 49”
__________
• latex
• graphite
• pastel
• watercolor
• vine charcoal
• spray paint
• coffee
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First time, second time, third time, nxt time... when a door closes you can convince yourself there's a light peering from underneath, and you might also hear muffled voices that tell our story or so you presume. What ending do they share on the other side of the door? The beginning is sweet and the middle parts can be hard to hear, but the ending will always most touch the heart. As I say goodbye, I am unsure of what comes nxt. Only one thing I think is certain. In my mind, I'll always tell my version of the nxt time.
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